Category: By Subject

Secret Lady

This is a spoken word piece about my experiences growing up transmasculine. There are mentions of suicidality, sexual harassment, and rape culture.

When I grow up, I want to be a woman. I know I’ll be one someday. The older ladies told me that being a tomboy is just a phase, so don’t worry about not feeling like a “real girl,” because the girly stuff will come naturally someday. I am waiting for her to arise, the natural woman in me. The one who will throw away my comic books, sweep away my desire to be a boy with a delicately manicured hand, demolish my personality with a perfectly made-up smile. I am waiting to stop existing, to burst into flames and allow a beautiful, secret lady to rise from my ashes, like Jean Grey.

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LGBT Blogging Challenge Day 1

Hey everybody! As I’ve been running out of ideas for what to post lately, I’m turning to the 30-Day LGBT Blogging Challenge. I want to start writing on a regular basis rather than just posting some old pieces and rants I wrote a while ago, like I’ve been doing sometimes lately. I am also interested in trying a more traditional blogging format, rather than just personal rants, to see if that brings in a wider audience.

So here’s the first prompt for the LGBT Blogging Challenge. (I looked for autistic and mental health-related blogging challenges too, but I didn’t find any. Maybe I’ll write some myself.) It says “Day 1,” but I probably won’t be posting these every day. I’ll try to keep it to at least once a week.

Day 1 – Your sexual orientation or gender identity. Be creative in your definition.

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Why I Like Singular They

Plenty of people talk about how singular they is incorrect. After all, “they” inherently refers to more than one person, right? Plenty of other people talk about how it’s awesome and they need to get over themselves. I fall into the latter camp. I like singular they a lot.

Why? Well…

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Acquired Taste

When a medical professional tells me I’m probably autistic, I’m not surprised. I’ve suspected it for over a year now. This diagnosis isn’t even the main reason why I’m here. I’m in this office because my sister was just diagnosed with bipolar disorder and I think I might have it too.

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Sometimes I Don’t Know What to Do with Cis People

Last week, I got hit by two shitty “trans people are fakers” jokes within two days, from two different people I care about.

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50 Shades of Mania

First of all, I am so sorry for the reference in the title. I’m hoping it’ll make the topic of this post funnier than it actually is. The point of this post is that I want to record what my mania has been like for the past six months or so, for future reference. I’m starting on a new medication that’s supposed to reduce my mania, and I’m hoping it helps. I’ve had some debilitating bouts of mania in the past six months and sometimes it’s been all I can do to function.

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Repetitive Motions

I love things too much. I can pass through the world sarcastic and largely inexpressive for most of my day, but then I get home and consume the things I love with a covetous frenzy. I can watch a show and then read fanfic after fanfic about it, analyzing a five-minute scene and the actors’ microexpressions, trying to figure out what exactly they mean.

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It Doesn’t Have to Be This Hard

I am returning to blogging (hopefully on a regular basis) after an exhausting semester. Five days a week, I did the following:

  • woke up and walked to the bus stop
  • sat for hours in classrooms where the lights were too bright and I had to interact with people
  • did intellectual work that added to my mental exhaustion from social interaction and an overstimulating environment
  • took the bus and walked home again

And then I frequently worked a dinner shift after that.

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Dear Google

Dear Google, how do you cope with mania? Please don’t tell me to avoid caffeine. I literally haven’t drank soda for weeks, and I still feel like I’m going to pop out of my skin and roll around on the floor like marbles, my pieces clinking together awkwardly and never merging together to form a whole.

Dear Google, telling me to seek a qualified mental health professional isn’t helping right now. I’m already seeing one of those, and she’s not going to come to my house to help me calm down and concentrate on studying so I won’t bomb that test tomorrow. It’s after hours anyway. I need your advice right now.

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