This is a spoken word piece about my experiences growing up transmasculine. There are mentions of suicidality, sexual harassment, and rape culture.
When I grow up, I want to be a woman. I know I’ll be one someday. The older ladies told me that being a tomboy is just a phase, so don’t worry about not feeling like a “real girl,” because the girly stuff will come naturally someday. I am waiting for her to arise, the natural woman in me. The one who will throw away my comic books, sweep away my desire to be a boy with a delicately manicured hand, demolish my personality with a perfectly made-up smile. I am waiting to stop existing, to burst into flames and allow a beautiful, secret lady to rise from my ashes, like Jean Grey.
Continue reading “Secret Lady”
It’s not abnormal, in my experience, for bloggers to post inconsistently, especially when they’re blogging for free. I still hate being this inconsistent, though. I’ve just been overwhelmed, to say the least.
I’m doing something that’s very unusual for me here. I’m composing this post in WordPress, not carefully crafting it in Google Drive, waiting at least a few days to review it (more likely a few weeks, because I’m anxious), and then posting something that’s as perfect as possible. I want to be less of a perfectionist and write the way other bloggers do, where they just share their thoughts and connect with other people without reviewing everything they say over and over.
Tonight I just want to write about things that are frustrating me. I could just rant in private and not post about my vulnerabilities, but there’s something about exposing a metaphorical wound that can be healing in a bizarre way. I don’t get it, but I guess I don’t have to for it to work.
Continue reading “I Haven’t Posted in Almost a Year”
Hey everybody! As I’ve been running out of ideas for what to post lately, I’m turning to the 30-Day LGBT Blogging Challenge. I want to start writing on a regular basis rather than just posting some old pieces and rants I wrote a while ago, like I’ve been doing sometimes lately. I am also interested in trying a more traditional blogging format, rather than just personal rants, to see if that brings in a wider audience.
So here’s the first prompt for the LGBT Blogging Challenge. (I looked for autistic and mental health-related blogging challenges too, but I didn’t find any. Maybe I’ll write some myself.) It says “Day 1,” but I probably won’t be posting these every day. I’ll try to keep it to at least once a week.
Day 1 – Your sexual orientation or gender identity. Be creative in your definition.
Continue reading “LGBT Blogging Challenge Day 1”
Plenty of people talk about how singular they is incorrect. After all, “they” inherently refers to more than one person, right? Plenty of other people talk about how it’s awesome and they need to get over themselves. I fall into the latter camp. I like singular they a lot.
Continue reading “Why I Like Singular They”
When a medical professional tells me I’m probably autistic, I’m not surprised. I’ve suspected it for over a year now. This diagnosis isn’t even the main reason why I’m here. I’m in this office because my sister was just diagnosed with bipolar disorder and I think I might have it too.
Continue reading “Acquired Taste”
Last week, I got hit by two shitty “trans people are fakers” jokes within two days, from two different people I care about.
Continue reading “Sometimes I Don’t Know What to Do with Cis People”
Content warning for mentions of alcoholism and emotional abuse.
Things My Father Taught Me
- Star Wars and Star Trek are great and you can like both. You can swing both ways. There’s no need to choose.
Continue reading “Lessons from My Father”
First of all, I am so sorry for the reference in the title. I’m hoping it’ll make the topic of this post funnier than it actually is. The point of this post is that I want to record what my mania has been like for the past six months or so, for future reference. I’m starting on a new medication that’s supposed to reduce my mania, and I’m hoping it helps. I’ve had some debilitating bouts of mania in the past six months and sometimes it’s been all I can do to function.
Continue reading “50 Shades of Mania”
I love things too much. I can pass through the world sarcastic and largely inexpressive for most of my day, but then I get home and consume the things I love with a covetous frenzy. I can watch a show and then read fanfic after fanfic about it, analyzing a five-minute scene and the actors’ microexpressions, trying to figure out what exactly they mean.
Continue reading “Repetitive Motions”
I am returning to blogging (hopefully on a regular basis) after an exhausting semester. Five days a week, I did the following:
- woke up and walked to the bus stop
- sat for hours in classrooms where the lights were too bright and I had to interact with people
- did intellectual work that added to my mental exhaustion from social interaction and an overstimulating environment
- took the bus and walked home again
And then I frequently worked a dinner shift after that.
Continue reading “It Doesn’t Have to Be This Hard”