Secret Lady

This is a spoken word piece about my experiences growing up transmasculine. There are mentions of suicidality, sexual harassment, and rape culture.

When I grow up, I want to be a woman. I know I’ll be one someday. The older ladies told me that being a tomboy is just a phase, so don’t worry about not feeling like a “real girl,” because the girly stuff will come naturally someday. I am waiting for her to arise, the natural woman in me. The one who will throw away my comic books, sweep away my desire to be a boy with a delicately manicured hand, demolish my personality with a perfectly made-up smile. I am waiting to stop existing, to burst into flames and allow a beautiful, secret lady to rise from my ashes, like Jean Grey.

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I Haven’t Posted in Almost a Year

It’s not abnormal, in my experience, for bloggers to post inconsistently, especially when they’re blogging for free. I still hate being this inconsistent, though. I’ve just been overwhelmed, to say the least.

I’m doing something that’s very unusual for me here. I’m composing this post in WordPress, not carefully crafting it in Google Drive, waiting at least a few days to review it (more likely a few weeks, because I’m anxious), and then posting something that’s as perfect as possible. I want to be less of a perfectionist and write the way other bloggers do, where they just share their thoughts and connect with other people without reviewing everything they say over and over.

Tonight I just want to write about things that are frustrating me. I could just rant in private and not post about my vulnerabilities, but there’s something about exposing a metaphorical wound that can be healing in a bizarre way. I don’t get it, but I guess I don’t have to for it to work.

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LGBT Blogging Challenge Day 1

Hey everybody! As I’ve been running out of ideas for what to post lately, I’m turning to the 30-Day LGBT Blogging Challenge. I want to start writing on a regular basis rather than just posting some old pieces and rants I wrote a while ago, like I’ve been doing sometimes lately. I am also interested in trying a more traditional blogging format, rather than just personal rants, to see if that brings in a wider audience.

So here’s the first prompt for the LGBT Blogging Challenge. (I looked for autistic and mental health-related blogging challenges too, but I didn’t find any. Maybe I’ll write some myself.) It says “Day 1,” but I probably won’t be posting these every day. I’ll try to keep it to at least once a week.

Day 1 – Your sexual orientation or gender identity. Be creative in your definition.

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Why I Like Singular They

Plenty of people talk about how singular they is incorrect. After all, “they” inherently refers to more than one person, right? Plenty of other people talk about how it’s awesome and they need to get over themselves. I fall into the latter camp. I like singular they a lot.

Why? Well…

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Acquired Taste

When a medical professional tells me I’m probably autistic, I’m not surprised. I’ve suspected it for over a year now. This diagnosis isn’t even the main reason why I’m here. I’m in this office because my sister was just diagnosed with bipolar disorder and I think I might have it too.

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Sometimes I Don’t Know What to Do with Cis People

Last week, I got hit by two shitty “trans people are fakers” jokes within two days, from two different people I care about.

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